For those who care XDDD

My new LJ...Iseru!


http://iseru.livejournal.com/

Now add me beeshes =P

You know I've been looking in both this LJ account and my Kyezra one and realized it's full with emo shit. Things that happened in my life that I always complained about, things that went wrong or weren't right for me. Past relationships, problems, things that bothered me.

I think it is time to leave this all behind now. I feel rejuvenated with the fact that I have a job now, that I'm taking initiative to do things, like going out with my mom, visiting friends I've known for ages but haven't seen in so long. I did the one thing that I should've done so long ago and it actually made me a better person...it gave me happiness to just leave ACF Staff behind and not to worry about the many issues that were haunting me. I feel sorry for SY though that she has to deal with all the crap and some of the other staffers (wow ain't I mean now...no offense and I'll stick with this since I'm not going into detail). In short...my life has changed for the better now...

Hell I'm even celebrating New Year's Ever and all with my best friend who moved to Holland not too long ago. In short it is time to leave the past behind...not everything though, but at least the emo thing.

So it's time to think up a new name for a new journal in which I start anew with my life. A new life but together with the friends who always supported me no matter what.

Christian, Jess, Sierra, Anna, Oki, Kristen, Beth and all the people in my LJ that I forgot and deserve this praise. You guys are plain awesome and I love you. So just you know, this might be one of the last entries in this journal.

Ehr...that's exactly how I was after realizing some woman at work was flirting with me...sort of. Shit I never knew that older women liked me and it's scary. Her name is Riane and hell she could've been my damn mom. I'm freaked out and laughing at the same time to be honest because how freaky it is...it's also hilarious.

Meh she's really cool though but damn WTF. She always talks to me, hang around with me and all. Not that I mind, since I can get along with everyone there. Just noticed that she always pokes me and all XD I should be REALLY careful with this one, because for me it's a big no. No way that I'm...ugh never mind...the thought already is not making me feel great XDDD

Anyway, work is quite awesome. Getting compliments from everyone that I'm one of the best people they have on the project. Can't wait till my paycheck comes in...I've been sick only once and all the rest I worked like 15-20 hours a week. Plus the extra bonus we're getting these weeks...well this is definitely niiiiiice.

Gonna shove some away for my plan to get to the US to visit Gabi, Jess and some other people. Need to get my driver's license first and then have money for a plane ticket. But the plan is to go to the US this year for real. That's my main goal and I'd like to reach this goal before summer.

You know what...I'm done caring about certain individuals who I used to call my friends. This goes for online and offline. In the past few months I realized who my true friends are...actually I made that little journey ever since I started to moderate ACF. And now I think I finally know who my true friends are.

So much backstabbing, lying and assuming has been done over the time and I think I'm now at the point of "can't be arsed to care anymore" and I'm happy with that. ACF used to be an awesome place but over time it changed so bad and all I did was letting it get to me, because I was a staffer there, but I guess also because I loved the place. Now, the only section I can be arsed to visit is RoA and maybe some small sections I used to visit. Staff is just not what it used to be. Too many shit is going on there, people plotting shit, people thinking others are plotting against them, can we add more to that? I think we can but why should I be arsed to do so?

Too bad I ended up losing some people as friends that I really cared about. Some of them I regained as friends, which I am very happy about, some I lost because of my own mistakes and others...well I lost them because they assumed things.

BUT NOW...I'M DONE WITH IT!!!

People can assume all they want for all I care. It's those people who actually don't know the real me...just a select few actually know who Darkbeat is...correction...who GLENN is. And those people are the ones I can call my true friends, for always sticking with me and asking me shit if they heard something.

Well this weekend I bought Cooking Mama and MySims for the Wii and I'm enjoying both games. I thought about getting Twilight Princess, but that one will be next on the list. For the time being my hands are full with three new games and I'm loving them really bad. Yes...the third one is a new Pokemon game har har!!!

My little brother got Pokemon Ranger from my grandpa but the little kid can't read English so he told me "Glenn...you can keep it for the time being...okay?" That was so sweet ^^ I love that kid to death you know and besides...I'm addicted to the game now. I plain love the whole concept of catching the little bastards with a stylus and using them just once to catch them over and over again XD Sometimes it gets frustrating, but that's the whole fun part about it =P

Cooking Mama is just effin' addicting as well. I'm determined to get at least Silver Medals with all recipes. I got Gold with two of them...Popcorn and Scrambled Eggs. I always knew I'm a master in making scrambled eggs XDDD The rest...seriously I want silver!!! If I get bronze I go all "fuck fuck fuck" at the Wii XD

Oh and I texted with Kwisteh (Mariposa for those who wonder who the hell I'm talking about). Was hilarious since she wanted to surprise me first, but I managed to surprise her =P Need to text her one of these days again out of randomness XD

Gabi...seriously messed up you can't text me back...but once our phone here works again, I'll call you ^___~

*sighs* I'm tired of ACF...even though I'm not that active anymore I can't be arsed with the drama that's going on there atm. Things drag on for way longer than necessary and ends up in not being handled, only talked about. I'm done caring at the moment. I've had enough on my mind already to even worry about what's going on in there.

Yeah I'm actually thinking about giving up on all of it...just say "screw it" and walk away just like that. Hey it would actually give me some relief so why shouldn't I?

...uh huh as if I would. Knowing me I'll stick around anyway even if it gets too much. I need a good break and step away from the current issues at hand. I want them solved already, but not the way things have been going now, since it only brings shit in friendships as well.


whatever...

I've been having these weird thoughts lately...okay I just realized this sounds to KH-ish XDDD But in all seriousness now, weird things have been happening and I have no idea what is going on with me. I know I've been ill, but not in a way that my mind and thoughts are suffering. Straaaaaaaaange stuff...

Anyway last night was pretty shit, except the fact the clock went back one hour, which means one hour extra sleep. But I didn't quite enjoy it to be honest. Now admitting that I went to bed around 1 or 2 AM. But I had dreams and nightmares all the time, woke up in sweat and shit and didn't get much rest. I have no idea if it means something and let alone what it means, but it's nasty stuff that I'd rather keep to myself. But the visions I had...they were not nice...

On a better note I've been tagging again ^^

Yeah I'm still alive, just effin' busy these days, especially this week. My siblings have their holiday so I've been stuck with them for most mornings so my mom could work. Not that bad, but seriously it made me tired as hell. Next to that I have a stomach flu since last week, so yeah...being sick huh XD

Decided to call in sick for work so that I could let it all go on. Don't wanna go to work and feeling all crappy so yeah, next week I'm going to work again. I miss the place though. I actually wanted to work this week, but my mind said it was better that I didn't and I'm glad because I collapsed nearly twice this week. Meh...not bad. Tried to sleep a lot, but it didn't work with the babysitting. Luckily tomorrow's the last day and then I have some rest for the weekend ^^

All the rest things have been cool...started to play MegaMan Battle Network 2 again. Haven't played the game in ages and never finished it...so today I started all over again and I'm actually enjoying the game. Always have been a MegeMan geek...especially the Legends serie is very enjoyable. Maybe I'll play that one again soon XD

As with my love life...yeah I have a crush on someone XDDD


LOL!

End of update

Even though I am tired as hell and have to work in a few hours, I'm just not in the mood for any of it anymore. I hate to admit what I am going to say now, but it just hit me so hard after being there for an hour or so. No matter what I do or think I am over things, it bites me ten times harder in the ass and it's shit!

Yeah wondering what I am talking about? I still love Natascha and I had hoped this feeling would've been gone by now. With me moved to my dad's place, having a job and finally getting my life all sorted it looked all good and bright for me. The feeling was gone (or at least not there as far as I was concerned) and I guess there is/was someone who I kind of like...and then I get my siblings to school this morning, return to get my bike and go home and I see her washing the windows of the bookstore. I knew she had to work that mornbing and I know she always tells me to knock on the window so we can drink some tea...you know...good old times just talking and all, nothing wrong with that. Actually I had hoped I could've gone home and just sleep two more hours, but noooooooo...

Nat was busy with the windows and we joked around a little, she invited me in for tea since the store didn't open for another hour so I went in to have some tea. And with each minute passing by I noticed that feeling coming back. All I did was just laugh and talk with her though...I didn't want her to notice anything, but seriously the whole being with her at that moment was just weird and brought back somewhat too much. I'm glad I went home even though I'm still stuck with this feeling, but being with her longer at that moment would've made it worse. I can't tell her...and I won't tell her, but this whole thing is scaring me. When I think I am over her, things like this show me clearly that I am not, no matter what I try or do.

I want this thing to end...with either me getting rid of this feeling or she and I getting back together and seeing the latter part isn't happening anytime soon the first needs to happen. Thing is...it won't because she and I are close friends and leaving her would be like...abandoning her like her friends did a few years ago and I don't want to do that.

Yesterday I was so excited to go to work...yeah I was actually looking forward to something good in my life again you know. The past couple of months have been full of letdowns, heartaches and disappointments and now I actually had something that I could focus on to get my life back on track again...finally...

...and now I'd rather just stay in bed and sleep. I'm so tired and not feeling like going to work anymore today. I don't think it's the nerves or anything since I'm pretty used to the fact that I have a job now. It's really weird, but I think I just have a lack of sleep, which is strange since the past couple of days I went to bed at an early hour so that I'd have enough sleep. My system has reverted back to European timezone again so I'm now used to actually sleep when I should be sleeping instead of the hours that I used to sit out in college, falling asleep during lectures. It's a good thing, but maybe the switch is still hard for me and the lack of sleep I had all these years is now catching up with me.

Nonetheless...I somewhat look forward to it, but I'd rather just sleep now. But it's just for 4 hours today to get used to everything. Same for tomorrow and Thursday and I better not forget to schedule myself in for next week. Probably goinbg to build it up and do 4 days instead of the 3 days I have to do this week. I want to take it easy since my trainer told me that this work can be quite exhausting the first time and that I don't have to overdo it. Yeah you probably wonder "how the hell is calling people while sitting on your ass exhausting". Well...non-stop calling is can do that to you...I'm always talking for 4 long hours with only a break of 15 minutes and some pee breaks if I really have to. The only thing I can have with me is a bottle of water when my throat gets dry and all.

Seriously...even this shower I just took isn't exactly working and coffee didn't do the trick either. I have one and a half hour left to fully wake up and getting ready before I have to go. They expect me to be there 10 minutes before we start...gonna make that one 15 since then I can prepare myself for what's going to come. I'm curious though on who made it as well of my colleagues. Our training days were also a test to see if we passed and I have no idea if they passed as well, so I hope at least one of them is also scheduled for this afternoon, at least one familiar face around XD

Well time to dress up and have some "breakfast"

It has been quiet neh? Sorry just not getting online as much as I used to, especially since my room still isn't finished and we still don't have wireless connection. Gonna take some time though (and I didn't expect otherwise) so I guess I have to bear with it. Bleh...I'm really tired now but apparently I can't sleep any longer than till 9.20 AM

My training at my new job went very well. Got a phone call yesterday about when I have to work, but I was away so I didn't hear it. So I'm calling back in a few hours to see when I have to start. I know it'll be Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so that's cool. Need to get into the whole shit and three shifts for upcoming week sounds good to start off. Twelve hours is decent so yeah, gonna build it up in the weeks after that. I'm actually looking forward to it you know...finally making some more money than with those damn papers. Just a few more months and then I'm gonna quit my newspapers, me thinks. Not sure though, but we'll see when that time comes.

I feel like tagging again, but seeing my computer...well you know the story XD

I'm now playing FFXII again...new file and shizz, nothing special. I'm actually waiting for that new Harvest Moon game (sorry I'm a sucker for those... XD ) and of course......SUIKODEN 2!!!! Yes my aunt is in the US right now and found the game and e-mailed me to confirm it was there and if I want her to buy it. So soon I can enjoy the awesomeness of this game once more <3

I know...I know...haven't done this in a looooong time. Been busy and stuff, nothing special and besides I've been sleepy as hell. A lot has happened the past week so yeah, but don't expect a huge update XD I'm still half asleep and I only got up because I have to work in a few hours and I need breakfast.

Anyway...I got in jail almost a week ago...just for one and a half hour and for the shittiest reason ever. My lights weren't on while cycling and I didn't cooperate with the "nice" officers because they were treating me like a criminal and made racist comments to me. When I didn't want to spell my name (notice...they actually want you to spell your name when you forgot your ID) and refused to do so multiple times (since I don't have to spell it...the only thing I have to give is my name...not spell it out for them), they asked for "assistance". LMAO!!! I'm such a huge criminal and they had to take me and my bike to the police station with two cars and a van. How sad is that. Some insulting happened at the station as well...FROM THEIR SIDE! So after a while I got out (my mom was there too) and did my work (delivering newspapers) and I found out they stole some from me.

Guess who's going to bust their asses XD

Anyhow...had a job interview Monday and yes I got the job =D I'm now working for a callcenter...which means annoying people to death on the phone. It pays fairly well so soon I'll have a wii and PS3 =P

So that's it for now ^^

I'm at my mom's place now and hell it's boring. Trying to get online with my DS but apparently we don't have a standard WEP Key code so I'm screwed... *sigh*

I wanna go back to my dad's place now kthnxbai XD

Has been a while since I updated huh? I guess not much has actually happened, at least not interesting enough to make an update about. The past couple of days have only been dedicated to relaxing, gaming, ACF and some other shizz. Like I said...nothing special, right? But I thought I'd drop a post so people know I am still alive.

I finished Wild Arms 4 yesterday. I was in the final area already so it was just a matter of playing through it and defeat the final boss. Was at level 47 at that time and it was a piece of cake (after a few tries that is XDDD). The whole game got me in tears though at a few moments. Guess that's just the emotional person in me...I get tears in my eyes when things get all dramatic in games =P Gonna play my Clear Data though for the extra bosses and all and I might buy Wild Arms 5 next.

Now playing Final Fantasy XII again to try that whole Dustia shit. It's quite useful when you are just starting the game, but a major pain in the ass until you have a decent amount of Phoenix Downs. I'm about to go to the Royal Palace of Rabanastre and I'm level 35 already. Now chaining some Dustia's to get some more loot. Might finish that game this week, not sure.

Also been playing some Pokemon Diamond...all because my little brother's friend came over all of the sudden and he had his DS with him. So I ended up getting mine and we traded some stuff. The poor kid has only two badges and his big brother gave him pookies that won't obey him...I felt sorry for the kid. So I gave him a Chimchar and a Dratini of both level 15 and he gave me his Grotle, which I traded back with him after getting a Turtwig egg XD I'm an addict...I know XDDD

All the rest...I'm doing okay. Haven't thought about you-know-who to be honest. I saw her online but I never took the effort to say anything to her...and why should I? Kind of feeling better the way things are and if she wants any contact she'll have to take the initiative.

Oh yeah...mailed with Candice the other day...lol great to hear she's doing fine these days. Haven't talked to her in ages XD



Now I will eat my dinner, since it's getting cold =P

EDIT FOR GREATER JUSTICE...or something

I finally can move on I think...maybe those feelings will remain but for now I'm just happy that I said it all...

Finally back home again, but tired as hell. This weekend my siblings will be at my dad's again which means not much rest for me. Still I'll have my own plans for this weekend even if my dad wants to do something. He wanted to go out today, but screw it...I have plans for this evening and not going to change that.

I'll probably have to work in a short while, not sure to be honest since I already had expected a phonecall. Next to that...the weather is kind of failing on my so if I work I will have to go through the rain. Effin' lovely. Which reminds me I need to get some cash for my dad in a few. Bastard...ah well...

Will be going to Nat's place around 7 PM or so to hang out with her. Initial plan was that we would have dinner together, but her mom already made dinner for her and Chris so she asked me to just come over anyway. She's weird, but I think I finally get why she acts so weird at times.

Anyway...got a little more active on some sites and forums again, seeing I didn't post that much because of the whole moving and job hunting game. Next to that...tiiiiiiired, need sleep and I have a headache...ugh!

Well let's see how this evening goes...

SHIIIIIIT!!! I forgot FullMetal Alchemist today when I went to my mom's. Sitting here right now and typing this while I could've been watching FMA. Ah well...it doesn't matter since in half an hour I have to pick up my siblings from school.

Yeah their first day again, so that was quite exciting. I think college started again as well today and I'm actually wondering how my old classmates are doing. I was supposed to go to Utrecht tomorrow and wanted to visit them to check up on them, but seeing my plans for tomorrow got cancelled (geez that's a surprise......NOT) I'm not going anymore. Maybe I'll just go later on or anything, but meh. Like I said, need to pick up my siblings and eat a sandwich with them before dropping them at school again. After that I'm going home and check up on my bank account how much money I have. If it's enough I might buy myself an iPod. I really need one since my MP3 player died on me...ugh!

Nat and me? Well let's not go into that one...

Seems I'll have the day off tomorrow, so I might gonna work on my application shit some more. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll have a job so I can concentrate on that some more instead of being home alone all day.

Tv still isn't working and I assume it'll be another week or 2 before it's back again. I'm the one who apparently has to pay the bill now and that sucks, but my dad promised me he'd pay me back. He better!!!

Mom's computer seems to be a little faster than usual, that's a good thing, right? Hahahahaha!